Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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