You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
