dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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