Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
