We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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