you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
