He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
