Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
