i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
