jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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