She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
