Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
