Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
