Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He kissed a someone with a penis
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Bring me that man meat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
