Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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