So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
