my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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