i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
