9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
