well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
