She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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