it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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