I must be too annoying 4 u.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
