I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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