happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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