Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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