bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
