My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
