So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
