i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Please don't give away my fajitas
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