"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
