Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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