So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
