Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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