Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
