we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
