im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
