for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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