I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
