Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
