so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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