Please, let me fuck your mom
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
