I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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