ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want a musical about memes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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