Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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