this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I need moral support for this bender
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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