I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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