my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
