when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
