my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
