Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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