The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
