I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
